Dreams.

Today is Thursday.

'We have to live like we're dying.'

Isn't that the way that people live anyway. I mean, the minute you are born the closer you are to death. Every minute, every second that passes by you brings you closer to it. So in reality, everyone should be living like they are dying because in the end they are. I have heard people say that you should live like you knew you were going to die in a week, like a cancer patient. Well, cancer patients are just like the rest of us, going to die. I think that cancer patients have it easier than us. They know when they are going to go. They know exactly how long they have, they take risks and do whatever their life's dream is. We could be gone tomorrow. We could die in the next hour. We had no warning, is it not fair that they get a little heads up and we don't?

And just for the record, I fucking hate that song. A whole lot.

I just got back from inception. Awesome movie. It really makes you think. I mean, what if all life is, is a dream. You make up friends, family, enemies and lovers. Problems, solutions. And we are all so afraid to die. But what if when we die, we are actually awaken. We go back to the real world, reality. Is there even a reality? Maybe all we this is, is a series of dreams one after the other. We are caught in an endless loops of dreams.

If that's true you have to also think about, what are dreams then. When you sleep, are you going into another world, another demension? Or is it your soul leaving your body.

Think about it.

Sick.

Today is Friday.
The day everyone looks foward to during school, the weekend.

During the summer, Friday is just another day. I wouldn't even know the days if it weren't for the computer or my phone. Everything sort of blends in with the other. The days have absolutely no meaning, every day is the weekend. Summer is sort of boring after awhile, after a month I'm sort of like, oh . . cool, I get to do absolutely nothing again today. Awesome.

All I have really accomplished this summer was taking pictures, and hanging out with Ryan. Don't get me wrong, I love both of those things. I really should be practicing a whole lot more. I haven't picked up my saxophone in about a month. I am a neglectful parent. It just stares at me up from my case in my bedroom and instead of just playing a few scales I ignore it, crawl into bed and watch the game show network. Pathetic.

During the school year I was like, okay this summer I am going to practice all this, and master these scales, and I'm going to start walking more and do all this stuff. Now that it is summer my body is kind of like, fuck it. How about I lay in bed and read this, and I'll go lay on the couch and watch this, and then I'll think about being productive. My summer is half way done and nothing was done hah. Today isn't that much different.

Today I don't feel all that good. I woke up with a terrible stomach ache and I just feel really tired and sore. Last night wasn't all that great, I was just sort of in one of those moods. The sort that edges me on to do things I don't want to do again. And all of that really scares me, it scares me a lot. And I want it all to stop but sometimes it is just really hard. But I talked to Carolyn, and she helped me throught it all. She's an amazing friend, I think everyone should have a friend like her. The one who gives you amazing music and tells you that you are pretty and important even when you are not.

Well yeah, that's pretty much all I have for today. Not a whole lot. I'm sick. Blah.

Clocks.

Today is the twentyfirst. Which marks the fourth month of my relationship.
And how do I get to celebrate?
Clock lady.

Who is clock lady you may ask? Maybe one of the craziest women I have ever met. Well, that excludes all family members of course. I check in every four or so weeks to clock lady to see if my medicine is working and what not, no big deal. Just another doctor. The thing that bugs me is the fact that she has four different clocks, on each wall, ticking at different times. I mean, at least get clocks that tick at the SAME TIME! Drives me crazy.

Just a little rant for you there. Nobody ever uses clocks like that, everything is digital. My brother is eight and on his homework instead of using 'oldschool' clocks,he had to tell the time on digital clocks.

I know that parents and such always complain and tell stories about how much life was different when they were kids, what about when we were kids? The nineties were way different then the kids these days. Back when you were forced to use cursive because nobody used computers to type things. Back when clothes actually fit us, and we weren't dressed in skimpy clothing and belly shirts and high heels. We used to run outside for hours until the streetlights came on and play make believe. Now, kids sit all day on the couch to watch lame television and go on internet worlds to make virtual friends. We didn't listen to pop music like Hannah Montana and Selena Gomez. Not everyone that was on t.v instantly became pop stars.

Oh well. We are all enslaved in a society that forces us our youth to grow up and be meaningless. Whatever, isn't that what everyone is forced to do anyway? It's not like in the long run any of this matters one bit. But let's just live it up while we can and not question it. People make up reasons and explanations, like god and religion. It's all crap. I mean, we are all here, is there a reason? Maybe, maybe not. Instead of trying to find it, how about we just have fun and do what ever we want to do.

Little.

Babysitting.
Nobody really likes to babysit, I mean, yeah it is super annoying. It has it's ups and downs like everything else. My favorite part is that satisfaction of turning on the television and the kids just sitting down and not getting into things for a good half hour. Oh, and money isn't all that bad either.

Little kids are the purest of all human beings. That's what I sort of envy about them. Little kids have no real outside influences yet. They aren't trying to be 'cool' to impress people, they aren't afraid of looking stupid by dancing in public, they are just curious. Let's say you see a burn victim, half of their face is burned off. The average person would sneak a few glances, get a bit uncomfortable, and not ask any questions. Little kids will just go up and say 'Hey, what's a matter with your face?' and leave it at that.

And let's all admit, little kids are fucking adorable. I think there is a point though that little kids get to be too much. Spend a full day with them, they never really get less energetic and you just want to sit down for more than five minutes at a time. So why is it that in this day and age, everyone wants children at age sixteen? I mean, yeah having your period sucks and wouldn't it be nice to have someone to love you. Babies suck. Teenage girls don't understand the fact that you will stay up all night with a baby, they get into everything. You are now responsible for yourself and another person. To raise them and make sure they don't turn into some psycho rapist when they grow up.

At age sixteen, you don't even know who you really are. You don't know what you really want in life, you don't know what life really has to offer. A kid isn't like a baby doll to dress up and carry around, they aren't just another photo album on facebook, they aren't a way for your boyfriend to stay with you or a way to piss off your parents. They are another human life they really, you have no right to make sure they don't become fucked up. Half of the people I know are way too retarded to take care of themselves let alone another person. Some peoples genes are just crazy, and they have no right to repopulate. Natural selection people.

Little kid shows are really annoying. That's what I figured out today. They have cheezy pop tunes and songs, and annoying creepy characters. Yo gabba gabba, scares me. I have been watching it with my little cousin for about five minutes and I already have a pounding headache. What happened to the shows we used to watch when we were little? I remember watching Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, and Tom and Jerry. Not stupid Hannah Montannah and Wizards of waverly place. Come on people, stop brainwashing your children with horrible television shows.

Hatred.

So yesterday I was asked; If you could would you end hunger or hatred, which would you choose?

I think everyones first instinct would be to end hatred. I mean, we all want to have love and kindness and without hate, isn't that what's all left?

But no one really thinks about the fact that without hatred, what is love? If you have nothing to compare love to, then what is it? If you love everything, then it defeats the purpose of it, the value of it. I love vanilla icecream, and chocolate, and strawberry, because I can't dislike any of it. In the end, you need hatred.

So in the end by ending hatred, you are destroying love and kindness. By ending hunger you are simply feeding people. Is that such a bad thing? Oh no, I don't like people with full stomachs. I don't like making people happy. Let's just make everyone miserable instead (:

*So aside from all that, welcome to my first post.

I am very, opinionated. I love to actually take a look at questions and answer them to it's fullest.

My name is Malory. I'm going to be a junior next year.

I love band. I play the barisax. I am in jazz band and concert band.

Band is basically, all I do. It is my only passion in life. Music.

I love jazz, I love sixties music, I love rock and alt.pop.

My favorite color is purple, and I have anxiety.

I like little children and helping out at the summer reading program.

I also like hanging out, being out of mind.

I have a boyfriend; Ryan.

I have a group of friends.

I have a passion, I have somewhat of a life.

I have my own mind. Isn't that the most important thing?